Cheese: The Ultimate Terror
Cheese is a dairy product formed by fermenting milk with live bacterial
cultures, to solidify the curds, and produce a solid edible compound.
It is also, according to Xelax Nebroxil, the missing factor in the Unified
Field Theories of Terborox Neplentha and Rexohast Zimbugu. Nebroxil claims
to have discovered that certain types of cheese emit a radiation which
registers only on the most high-frequency Namronometers available. As has
been well documented by TeraFNORD, Namronic waves are the ultimate building
blocks of space, time, mind, matter, energy, and peanut brittle. Nebroxil's
discovery has set fire to the scientific community - and not in a good way.
Orthodox physicists, of course, have yet to acknowledge even the existence
of the Namron field, which composes our universe and its psychic energies.
It would be unreasonable to expect that they would welcome the addition of
cheese as a fifth fundamental force into their equations without additional
explanation why, and Nebroxil has embarked on a monumental research project
to find conclusive evidence that Cheese, and particularly the so-called
"low-grade" cheese products, such as Cheez-Whiz and Sprayable-Cheez
(also available in brand names such as Ready-Aim-Cheez) are the fifth component
of the squarkino-Namron field vortex.
If successful, this research will revolutionize our understanding of physics
today, since it would mean that Cheez-Whiz in particuar is a singularly
powerful psychic lifeform, which makes up the mental component of the
structure of the universe. Of course, there will be those whose reaction
will be "I told you so", notably including
The Hellhound >101<. But for physics in general, this theory may
change the way we look at the universe.
Then again, it may not.
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