Cheese: The Ultimate Terror



Cheese is a dairy product formed by fermenting milk with live bacterial cultures, to solidify the curds, and produce a solid edible compound.
It is also, according to Xelax Nebroxil, the missing factor in the Unified Field Theories of Terborox Neplentha and Rexohast Zimbugu. Nebroxil claims to have discovered that certain types of cheese emit a radiation which registers only on the most high-frequency Namronometers available. As has been well documented by TeraFNORD, Namronic waves are the ultimate building blocks of space, time, mind, matter, energy, and peanut brittle. Nebroxil's discovery has set fire to the scientific community - and not in a good way.
Orthodox physicists, of course, have yet to acknowledge even the existence of the Namron field, which composes our universe and its psychic energies. It would be unreasonable to expect that they would welcome the addition of cheese as a fifth fundamental force into their equations without additional explanation why, and Nebroxil has embarked on a monumental research project to find conclusive evidence that Cheese, and particularly the so-called "low-grade" cheese products, such as Cheez-Whiz and Sprayable-Cheez (also available in brand names such as Ready-Aim-Cheez) are the fifth component of the squarkino-Namron field vortex.
If successful, this research will revolutionize our understanding of physics today, since it would mean that Cheez-Whiz in particuar is a singularly powerful psychic lifeform, which makes up the mental component of the structure of the universe. Of course, there will be those whose reaction will be "I told you so", notably including The Hellhound >101<. But for physics in general, this theory may change the way we look at the universe.
Then again, it may not.


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